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Songfic: The sound of missing you (1/1)

TITLE: Songfic: The sound of missing you (1/1)

AUTHOR: sapphicwarrior

PAIRING: Callie/Arizona

RATING: I have no idea really, PG-13 I think. There’s nothing graphic in it.

DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

SUMMARY: This has been floating around in my head for weeks, from the very 1st time I heard this song. When I saw 6x17 (Push) I just knew what to write. This is a sad story. The lyrics of the song are in bold

AUTHOR’S NOTE: It’s been a while since I last wrote something. Real life is extremely busy with 2 kids, but I just had to get this story out of my head. I like writing angst, so this is angsty. My wife proofread this and she said I had to put a tissue alert out. So here it is: you might want to keep a tissue nearby. This is Callie’s POV and she’s heart broken. Those of you who’ve read my previous fics know that I’m a sucker for happy endings, but will this be a happy ending for Callie and Arizona?



I miss hearing your voice

All the words that you said to me

But now this empty space fills me up and takes over me

And I can’t escape it

----------------------- 

George hurt me, Erica broke me, but you destroyed me.  For the first time in my life I felt ready to commit, to give myself completely to you.  IN our future I saw us in a big house with two kids running around: one who has your blond hair and dimples and one with dark curly hair. I saw us driving them to soccer practice or their ballet class. I saw us having a lazy breakfast on a free morning and going to the park afterwards. I saw so much in our future. But you shattered these dreams I had with only 2 words: “kids yyyyyikes”. 

Now this empty space fills me up and takes over me 

------------------------

It always keeps coming back

The sound of missing you

I hear it all around

The sound of missing you

The silence is so loud

The sound of missing you

I can’t break through these walls that are rising in front of me

And the deeper I fall I realise I’m never gonna be free

Baby release me 

------------------------ 

I’m sitting in what used to be our bedroom. It’s just my bedroom now. It’s my sanctuary, the only place I can let go of my tears. You had practically moved in when… I can’t even think the words. I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. I remember the last time we made love in this bed. If I had known it would have been the last time, I would have held you longer, I would have kissed you more. What I wouldn’t give to feel your lips again, or to feel your hands on my body. I’d give everything to have you in my life again…

The silence is so loud. 

-------------------------

It always keeps coming back

The sound of missing you

I hear it all around

The silence is so loud

The sound of missing you

------------------------- 

Everything reminds me of you. A song I hear, the coffee I drink, my favourite TV show that you hated, a kid I see…

I’ve always wanted kids. I come from a huge family and I just can’t imagine my life without them. You work with kids, I thought you’d be crazy about them and would want a house full of them. But you don’t want them, you were almost repulsed when I mentioned my future dreams.

You said you don’t want kids because you work in Peds and you see sick kids all the time. I’m in Ortho and I see kids and adults with broken bones all day, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend my life with someone, simply because I see sick people daily. People get sick and we are here to make them better. And sometimes they don’t get better, but that’s life. There is only one certainty in life and that is death. Better later than sooner of course.

You were the one I wanted kids with. Now my heart is filled with emptiness. You are gone, and so are my dreams of having kids.

Everything reminds me of you. It always keeps coming back.

---------------------------- 

Time goes by and it feels like I’m just going out of my mind

What we had bring it back now

Cause I’m feeling empty inside 

---------------------------- 

Four weeks have gone by and I’m slowly losing my mind.  I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I simply can’t function without you. You are the air I need to breath. I feel so empty inside. When George cheated on me, Erica was there to pick up the pieces. When she left me, you were there to pick me up. Now there’s no one to pick up the pieces. My heart shattered into a million pieces when you told me you don’t want kids at all. Even if someone was here to pick me up, it would be impossible, I’m too broken, I’m beyond repair. 

What we had bring it back now. I need you now. 

---------------------------- 

It always keeps coming back

The sound of missing you

I hear it all around

The sound of missing you

The silence is so loud 

----------------------------- 

The sound of missing you is the sound of my own tears.

I hear it all around. 

-----------------------------

I miss hearing your voice

All the words that you said to me

But now this empty space fills me up and takes over me

Baby release me

I can’t break through these walls they are rising in front of me

The sound of missing you

And the deeper I fall I realise I’m never gonna be free 

------------------------------ 

I desperately need to get some sleep, I haven’t slept in 3 days. Each time I close my eyes, I see your sad face when you left me and went back to your apartment, to live a life without me. I want to be part of your life. You knew that you were breaking me when you left, but you left anyway. I saw you at work today, the first time in 4 weeks. You disappeared after you left me. Through the gossip mill I heard you had taken some personal time. You looked awful today. You had lost weight and you looked so defeated. You smiled at your patients, but your smile didn’t reach your eyes anymore. Your eyes were without life, without joy. To everyone else you seemed your usual “perky-self”, but I saw through that façade immediately. Just like me, you were a mere shell of who you used to be. A body simply existing because it has to, a body without life, a body without feelings.

When you saw me watching you, you looked at me. Your eyes showed such pain that I had to look away in fear of breaking down in front of everyone. After a few seconds you averted your gaze and quickly left the nurse’s station.

I went to an on-call room and stayed there until the end of my shift.

----------------------------- 

The sound of missing you

I can’t break through these walls they are rising in front of me

The silence is so loud

The sound of missing you 

----------------------------

I hear the door to my room opening. I don’t bother to look up to see who it is. Cristina is the only one I allow near me. 

“Torres, get your ass out of this room. You have a visitor”, she simply announces. 

“Leave me alone”, I grumble. I don’t want to come out of this room. I don’t want to see anyone. 

Cristina yanks the covers off me. “This has taken long enough. I’m fed up with depressed Callie. You get the hell out of that bed and see your visitor.”

With that Cristina leaves my bedroom. If I want to avoid an angry Cristina, I have to see who had the guts to come see me in my current state of mind. When I open my bedroom door and see a flash of familiar blond hair, my heart stops beating. I have trouble breathing. I try steadying my breathing and slowly  move towards the blond hair.

“Calliope”, Arizona says in a defeated whisper.

Arizona”, I whisper. I don’t have the strength to do this.

She doesn’t say anything but simply hands me a package. I look confused.

“Just open it.”

I open the package. Inside the package is a baby shirt with a text on it: “Will you be my mummy?”. I look at Arizona. What is her point in this? She must see the confusion in my eyes because she quickly starts speaking.

“I love you, Calliope. I can’t live without you. And maybe… maybe having kids isn’t so bad. Maybe I’ll be strong enough to be a mom when I have you to chase away the tiny coffins I see…”

I interrupt her. “I love you too, Arizona and I can’t live without you either. I’ll continue to love you even if we don’t have any kids.”

We collapse into each other’s arms and let go of all the emotions we’ve been feeling these past 4 weeks. We are not okay yet, bet we will be.

Because the sound of missing you is too painful to live with. 

---------------------

A/N: Like I said, I’m a sucker for happy endings. I hope this fic didn’t make you cry too much. If so, I’m truly very sorry, but I just had to get this song fic out of my head. It was driving me crazy.

I really hope the writers don’t break Callie and Arizona up over the kids issue…

Oh, the link to the song, in case you want to listen to it. It’s really a beautiful song, even if it’s a bit sad: www.youtube.com/watch

Tags: callie/arizona, fanfiction
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