?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Warning signs (1/1)

TITLE: Warning signs (1/1)

AUTHOR: sapphicwarrior

PAIRING: Callie/Erica

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

SUMMARY: I wrote this ficlet for the community challenge. It's Callie's POV.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.


“””I’m staring ahead into empty space. My life has become an empty space ever since you left me standing at the hospital.  You walked away from me, never to be heard of or seen of again.  That was two months ago.  Two months in which I’ve analyzed every moment we ever shared together. And each time I come to the same conclusion: I missed the warning signs you gave me and I missed the warning signs I gave myself.  Maybe you weren’t the only one in need of glasses, maybe I need glasses too, just to see the warning signs, like you had to see leaves.

 

I was so focused on the fact that you were a woman, that I never truly enjoyed our time together as lovers.  I was madly attracted to you, correct that, I’m still madly attracted to you, but the fact that you are a woman scared me to death. It scared me so much that I became the person I never swore I’d become: a lying cheater.  When I told you about sleeping with Mark and you just said “okay” and then avoided to look me in the eyes, I should have seen that as a warning sign that things weren’t okay, that you weren’t okay, that WE weren’t okay. But I missed it, I was so focused on myself, that I ignored your feelings. 

 

You told me you were gay and I just went away, I couldn’t even be your best friend anymore then. That hurts me more then anything: I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most.

 

I started looking for excuses for my behaviour, I told Mark I wanted to test a theory, I blamed you for going too fast. But not once did it occur to me that the only excuse I had for my behaviour was me, just plain old me. I was the one who cheated, I was the one who freaked out, I was the one so confused that I didn’t think straight anymore.

 

Straight, now that’s a word I used to identify myself with.  I got straight A’s in high school, then straight A’s again in med school, I went out with guys so I was straight… but then I met you and suddenly the word “straight” seemed foreign to me. All I could think about was you, is you. The truth is Erica, I miss you so much, so very much. I can’t live without you. I miss the laugh you only gave me, I miss the twinkle in your eyes when you looked at me, I miss the way you brushed your hand against my arm, I miss your blue eyes who told me so much about you, but most of all I miss my best friend. The friend I shared my dreams with, my laughs, my hopes, my fears…

 

Why didn’t I see any of the warning signs? How could I have been so blind? Me turning to Bailey of all people for advice on “the motherland”, that should have been one hell of a warning, instead I was so freaked out that I completely embarrassed myself in front of Bailey. I realize now that I should have come to you to talk about my fears. Instead of enjoying our first date together, I could only think about “the local cuisine in the motherland” and “that I might not like it”.

 

When you told me that I was your glasses, I should have seen that as a warning sign too. I should have told you then that I didn’t know yet “what” I was but that I cared about you. I should have told you that I felt frightened that you could already tell that you were a lesbian while I was still freaking out. But Erica, I’m not freaking out anymore now. I’m gay, lesbian, homosexual, whatever you wanna call it, but I know two things for sure: I’m not straight and I’m in love with you.

 

I’ve gotta tell you what state I’m in, and it’s not a good state.  My heart aches so much from missing you, that I’m afraid I’ll have permanent damage to it. My eyes are red and sore from all the crying I’ve been doing, it’s a wonder I have any tears left.  At night I lay awake remembering your kisses, your touch… Sometimes it’s like I can even feel you there.  Maybe I’m going crazy. And I’m so tired, I should not have let you go.  I should have run after you that day, I should have run after you to tell you that I don’t care anymore if I’m a lesbian, to tell you that I love you and can’t live without you.

 

But I didn’t do that, so I’m left with this empty space that has become my life since you left me.

 

I only want one thing and that’s to crawl back into your open arms and feel your heart beating again in rhythm with mine. I’ll keep hoping that one day that will happen. Until then, I’ll try to live into this empty space filled with memories of you.

 

I’ll love you now and forever my sweet Erica,

Yours always, Callie

 

P.S: If you should wonder how I got your address, blame Yang, somehow she got and gave it to me. ”””

 

***************************************************************************

A knock on my door one evening startles me.  Reluctantly I get up and open it. I stop breathing and I blink my eyes because I can not believe you are actually here. You are standing on my doorstep with open arms.  I don’t think twice and crawl into them.  I feel your arms engulfing me.

 

“I got your letter,” you whisper in my ear.

 

I feel the empty space filled with memories of you, disappear and be replaced with the real you, the real you who is hugging me right now and whispering sweet things in my ear.  I decide right there that I’ll never miss a warning sign again, even if I have to start wearing glasses to see them.  I’ll never miss another warning sign in my life.

Comments

( 29 comments — Leave a comment )
mean_manic
Apr. 21st, 2009 04:41 pm (UTC)
FINALLY!

Finally a fic where no one blames Erica for leaving! Finally Callie blame herself for that!
Thanks! :D
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it :). Thanks for reading and commenting.
jay00789
Apr. 21st, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
Awww! I loved this! Well done!
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
thanks :)
fast_chicken
Apr. 21st, 2009 04:48 pm (UTC)
That was great. Short and awesome. I loved it.
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
thank you :D
ilovecsr
Apr. 21st, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
Awesome!

This was so sweet, and Callie blaming herself does not happen enough in fic. We all know it was her, but somehow, it just doesn't seem to come out that way all that often.

I loved this, thank you!
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC)
A lot of what went wrong between them is Callie's fault. I'm just glad that in fanfic we can give them a happy ending, something Grey's didn't.
thecon12
Apr. 21st, 2009 05:28 pm (UTC)
This was absolutely wonderful :) I'm so glad you decided to enter the challenge :) I really like how you delve into Callie's thoughts on the whole situation, and it was really great to see Erica come back to her after recieving the letter :)
docwarnerfan
Apr. 21st, 2009 08:54 pm (UTC)
Loved this!!
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC)
thx :)
Love your icon btw!
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC)
I love diving into Callie's head :). I can't write fics without happy endings. Callica needs a happy ending :D
hottielibrarian
Apr. 21st, 2009 09:59 pm (UTC)
OMG!! LOVED THIS! You so captured Callie's longing for Erica. So appreciated Callie finally accepting whatever labels applied to her now, she didn't care, because she knew she wasn't straight and she was in love with Erica. Awesome! So loved Erica coming back for her! Thank you for writing this!
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
thanks :), I'm glad you liked it.
asc11
Apr. 21st, 2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
i definitely loved this! i think it's awesome that it was callie who finally admitted that it was her fault. i loved this!
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
thanks :)
punky_96
Apr. 22nd, 2009 01:13 am (UTC)
That was great Sapphic! I really liked being in Callie's head for a bit. I seem to spend so much time in Erica's so it's very refreshing. I love that she got the address from Yang and sent her a letter. At least she would have felt that her thoughts & feelings were out there either way. Of course Erica coming back to her is just so sweet. :-)
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
Callie's head is great to write. Erica just had to come back to Callie, I need my happy endings :D
sararamirezfan1
Apr. 22nd, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
loved it:-)
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
thanks :)
mickaela82
Apr. 22nd, 2009 06:51 am (UTC)
I'm with Manic on this one. FINALLY a fic that 'gets' the truth! YAY!!! And it's got a happy ending, too. what more could I ask for? Now why didn't THIS happen on the show?
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)
glad you liked it :D
i_see_leaves
Apr. 22nd, 2009 01:25 pm (UTC)
What a great fic:) It was so good to read that Callie understood the things she had done wrong and tried to make up for them:)
sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:49 pm (UTC)
thanks for reading. Maybe on the show she also realizes what she did wrong, but the whole thing got so little screen time that we'll never find that out.
reddirtgirl
Apr. 22nd, 2009 08:51 pm (UTC)
Dead right manic! I wanted to see Callie finally take the blame for something in this! I hated that it was all about her and feeling so abandoned....wtf!!

But i loved the happy ending, I'm so pleased. Happy Callica=happy me :)

sapphicwarrior
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:49 pm (UTC)
same here: happy callica = happy me :D
melificent811
Apr. 27th, 2009 03:13 pm (UTC)
Slowly catching up on my reading from vacation! =-)

That was a beautiful interpretation of the song. I really like how you made it a letter from Callie to Erica. Very heartfelt and very REAL.

gin781
Apr. 28th, 2009 05:11 am (UTC)
This story was awesome! I loved it. Thank you for sharing.
nienna_lilith
May. 30th, 2009 04:00 pm (UTC)
Really liked this one! I agree with everybody about Callie having to take the blame for it.

"I was so focused on the fact that you were a woman, that I never truly enjoyed our time together as lovers."
This line is perfect!

Thank you for sharing this.

Alessia
( 29 comments — Leave a comment )