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Crying out for help (1/1)

TITLE: Crying out for help

AUTHOR: sapphicwarrior

PAIRING: Callie/Erica


DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

SUMMARY: Callie cries out for help after Erica leaves her.

AUTHOR’S NOTE 1: Lots of thanks and hugs to superfy_me  for being an awesome beta!

AUTHOR’S NOTE 2:Thank you docwarnerfan for giving me the idea to write this fic. I loved writing it :)

AUTHOR’S NOTE 3: This story is dark and a bit depressing at the beginning. It describes how Callie cries out for help because her broken heart is driving her crazy after Erica leaves her. The story starts from Callie's POV, but then switches to third person. Hope you like it and don't find it too depressing or sad...

Callie’s POV.


It’s now a week ago that you left me. And in that week I’ve felt the old Callie slip away more and more each day.  Each day I feel myself slipping deeper and deeper.  I bury myself in work, but it’s not enough. I can’t work 24 hours a day, so when Webber tells me to go home each evening after my shift that has finished for hours, I find myself alone with my thoughts and my pain.  I think by now the entire hospital knows that you and I were together for some time. 


I broke down in the OR yesterday after a man died on my table, but I wasn’t crying for him, I was crying for you, crying for what I had lost by my own stupidity.  It took you leaving me to realize that you meant so much to me, correct that, that you mean everything to me.  You were the air I breathed so I wonder why I’m still alive.  Maybe I’m not and this is all a bad dream and I’ll wake up tomorrow and find you still here.


You left without saying goodbye and you never pick up your phone. I drive past your house every day, but there are never any lights, so I figure you must have left town or you are hiding somewhere. I wish you would pick up your phone so I could tell you how much I miss you and how horrible I’m feeling since you left. But you never pick up your phone and I know you well enough to know that you won’t listen to the messages I left. 


George broke me when he left me, but you, you killed me. You took my heart with you and one can not live without a heart. I simply exist now, going through the motions, but even that is getting harder and harder each day.


I decide to head out to Joe’s again. I cannot face the loneliness of my apartment.  At least there I’m surrounded by people, even if no one talks to me. It’s not that they don’t want to talk, but I just shrug them off and tell them to leave me the fuck alone. 


I put on my jacket and walk to Joe’s. It’s packed again tonight. I go to my usual spot at the bar and greet Joe. He has been asking me what’s wrong but I didn’t tell him anything. The only things I say to him are “Tequila” or “Wine”.  I know I’ve been drinking too much lately, but I don’t care. At least then I forget.  Joe puts a tequila shot in front of me. I immediately drink it down and ask for another one. After five shots I ask for the bottle. Mark comes to sit next me.  He says I drink too much but I just shrug my shoulders and drink another shot and say that I’m fine.  He leaves me alone for the rest of the night. 


After I finish the bottle of tequila I stumble home.  I don’t bother undressing before going to bed. I just lay down and try to fall asleep. But like usual, sleep doesn’t find me.  I can only stare at the ceiling and think again. I wish I could shut off my brain because quite frankly it’s starting to annoy me.  A few hours before my next shift I manage to fall asleep at last.  As usual my sleep is filled with dreams of you.  I wake up with a splitting head ache.  I take some pills and a quick shower. I don’t bother with make-up and then I go to work. I grab a coffee on my way.  At work they all know to stay away from me so I quickly get into the locker room and get changed into my scrubs.  As usual I stay at work till Webber tells me to go home. I don’t go home, I go straight to Joe’s and order my usual.


Soon I find myself going to Joe’s each day after work and I stay there and drink till Mark or Cristina tells me I’ve had enough and order me to go home and sleep. Some times they have to carry me out because I’ve had too much.  Before I would have found it embarrassing, but now, I just don’t care. I don’t care about anything anymore.  You made that happen. I used to care about a lot, but now, all joy has left my life and I’m left alone.


Everyone says I got too skinny but I don’t care.  I can’t eat, so I’ve been surviving on lots of coffee and smoking too. Now and then Mark forces me to eat and I share a salad with him. When I was a teenager I used to smoke a while because I read that it stills your hunger and I had the foolish idea to start smoking to lose weight.  You’d kill me if you found out I smoked, but then again you already killed me, so what difference does it make? I light a cigarette and inhale deeply. The smoke makes me dizzy. I don’t even like it that much.  I bought a bottle of tequila at the shop around the corner and I’m now drinking it. I don’t bother with a glass, just drink straight from the bottle.  I fall asleep on the couch and wake the next morning with a terrible back pain.


When I get to work I see that Izzie fucking Stevens is assigned to my service today. Just what I needed, that blonde bimbo working with me today and I already got a splitting headache.  I take some pills and go to her.


“Stevens,” I bark, “you’re with me today. I suggest you keep your mouth shut and do what I say.”


I don’t wait for her to reply as I start my rounds.  I don’t feel good. I’m light headed and my hands are shaking.  The headache I have today is worse then ever. It’s splitting my head in two.  Luckily Stevens listened to my advice and kept her mouth shut.


By noon I’m really feeling awful. The shaking is worse and it’s getting difficult to hide. Twice already I thought I saw you when I saw a woman with blonde curly hair.


I try to eat a salad at lunch but I can’t. I throw it in the garbage and head out.  I go to the roof and light a cigarette.  I look at my hands.  I want them to stop shaking but they won’t.  Why can’t they stop shaking?  I hear footsteps behind me.


“Cristina told me you were smoking but I didn’t believe her,” I hear Mark say. 


Mark comes to stand beside me and looks at me. “Callie I’m worried about you.  You look like hell.  I think you might need help. You don’t eat, I know you’ve not been sleeping and you drink yourself into oblivion every night. Please, let someone help you.”


“I’m fine Mark. And the only one that can help me won’t answer my calls.”


We stand in silence while I finish my cigarette. We head down to the nurse station together. Stevens is talking and laughing with Karev.


“You had a quickie Dr. Sloan?” she smirks looking at Mark and then at me.


And then I completely lose it.  I lunge at her and start hitting her everywhere. I kick and I scream the most obscene things to her. I break bones so I’m pretty strong.  Mark tries to pull me away, but I’m stronger.  I push Stevens to the ground and hit her straight in her face. 


Mark and Derek pull me off Stevens and hold my arms. But I’m still struggling to get free.


“You fucking bitch, I hate you Stevens, I fucking hate you…,” I yell at her while sobbing uncontrollably.  She’s the reason Erica left, so she deserves to be punished. 


The loud voice of the Chief brings me back to my senses. Oh shit, I’m in trouble.


“Torres, my office NOW,” he yells.  Marks pulls me towards Richard’s office.  Stevens is still laying on the floor, bleeding. But I don’t give a damn.


“What the hell was that Torres?” he yells at me.


I don’t say anything.


“You hit another doctor. What the hell were you thinking? You are suspended till further notice.”


I get up, throw my badge on his desk and storm out of the office. I go home and immediately go to my room.  I’m still enraged and looking for something to punch.  I settle for throwing all my clothes out of my closet and then cry inconsolably.


I hear Cristina coming home and she knocks on my door.  I closed it, so she can’t get in. I don’t answer her.  I don’t leave my room the next couple of days.  I spent them crying and smoking. I don’t sleep, I can’t sleep. I need help.


Third person


“When was the last time she came out of her room?” Mark asks Cristina.


“I don’t know. She hasn’t come out when I’m here. I don’t know what she does when I’m at work Mark. Don’t worry, she’s still alive. I hear her screaming and crying every night, but she won’t let me in. She closed her door,” Cristina worriedly says.


“We have to do something.”


“I agree, but what? She needs help Mark.”


“We have to get into her room and then see what kind of helps she needs. If she hasn’t gotten out of her room at all, she’ll be dehydrated. It’s possible they put her in the psych ward.”


“We have to force her door, or better, you have to. She’ll listen to you. She trusts you.”


They heard an agonizing scream and that did it for Mark.


“Calliope Torres, you will know open this door or I will break it down,” he yelled to her.


After a few seconds they heard the lock opening.  Mark quickly went to the door before Callie changed her mind and locked it again.  He took a deep breath before opening it.  He was afraid for what he would find.  He knew how destructive Callie could be to herself.  He slowly opened the door. What he saw there broke his heart.


Callie was sitting in the middle of her bed, looking completely dishevelled. She had dark circles under her eyes.  She looked pale.  Her room was a mess. Clothes were everywhere. 


“Help me, someone help me,” he heard Callie softly cry out.


He quickly went over to her and hugged her. “I’ll help you Callie, I’ll help you,” he softly said to her. 


He took her into his arms and carried her outside her room. Cristina had a shocked look on her face when she saw her best non-friend. “I’ll go with you.”


Mark quickly carried Callie to the hospital. For once he was glad she lived so close by. Callie was in a pretty bad shape Mark could tell.  She hadn’t eaten in days.


He quickly carried her into a trauma room and paged Bailey. When she saw Callie laying on the bed, she quickly closed all curtains. Mark told her what had been going on with Callie these last weeks.


“I don’t want anyone else to know Miranda. Callie has been humiliated enough these last weeks. Can you see to that?” he asked her.


“No problem. I’ll do some exams and then send her up to psych ward when she’s stabilized.  I’ll have to tell the Chief though.”


“Thanks. I’ll be back in the morning to check on her. If anything changes, let me know, I’m staying at Callie’s so I can be here in one minute if something should be wrong.”


Bailey nodded. She took in the sight before her.  She had been noticing Callie going downhill these last weeks, but she had no idea it was this bad.  She quickly put some IV’s with fluids in them on Callie because she could tell she was dehydrated. She tried talking to Callie, but Callie just stared into nothing and didn’t answer anything Miranda asked.  After making sure Callie was stable, she called up the psych ward to tell them she had a patient that needed immediate care and whose identity had to remain a secret to the rest of the hospital.



“I’m gonna call her,” Mark suddenly announced to Cristina when being back at her apartment.


“Call who?”


“Erica. I’m calling her.  She put Callie in this shit and she can get her out again.  She will come here even if I have to drag her here,” Mark forcefully said.


He took out his phone and dialled the number. 


“Hello Erica Hahn speaking.”


“How come you pick up when I call you and not when Callie calls you?” he angrily said into the phone.


“Excuse me, who is this?” Erica said.


“Mark Sloan and don’t you dare put the damn phone down. I’m calling about Callie.”


He heard the sharp intake of breath.




“Yes you do remember her, right? You left her standing there at the hospital without telling her why. You never answered her calls. If you had, you would have known in what state she was in,” Mark angrily said into the phone.


“What’s wrong with her Mark?” he heard Erica say.


“She’s in the psych ward Erica and you put her there. It broke her heart that you left her. She hasn’t been eating or sleeping in days, in weeks. She got suspended at work for beating the crap out of Stevens, not that Stevens didn’t deserve it, but that beside the point.  You broke her Erica and now you will fix her again.”


It was silent on the other side of the line.  Suddenly he heard sobs.


“Oh my god, where is she?”


“She’s at Seattle Grace. I hope she is not too far gone by now. If so, I’ll never forgive you Dr. Hahn.” And he put down the phone.


“Now it’s all up to Callie and Erica,” he sighed, “I hope Erica can get Callie back.”




When Erica got the call for Mark Sloan she had to sit down to slow her breathing. Callie was in the psych ward and it was her fault that she was there. She had no idea that Callie would react this way to her leaving.  She thought Callie didn’t care for her, but apparently she did, more then she imagined.  She suddenly felt very guilty about what she had done.  She should have known better. Callie had a fragile heart and she hadn’t treated it with care. She should have known better, because despite what she said to her, she did know her, she knew her better then she knew herself.


Erica called the hospital and told them that she was taking a leave of absence because of a family emergency. She told them that she didn’t know when she’d be back. In her mind she added that she didn’t know if she’d be back at all. If Callie needed her, then the choice was quickly made. She booked a plane ticket to Seattle on the first flight out. She quickly packed some clothes and headed to the airport.


On the plane ride to Seattle she kept replaying what Mark said to her. Callie must be in a pretty bad shape. She had never been more happy to land. She decided to go to the hospital immediately. She didn’t bother with a hotel. Callie needed her.


She stood in front of Seattle Grace. She was nervous for what was awaiting her. She took a deep breath and went inside. She quickly walked to Richard’s office.  She needed to know what was wrong with Callie. She knocked on the door.


“Come in,” he said.


“Richard,” she greeted him.


“Ah Erica, I’ve been expecting you. Mark told me you’d come. Please sit.”


She quickly sat down. “What’s wrong with Callie, Richard?”


“She’s been admitted at the psych ward here. Mark brought her in last night.  She has been going downhill ever since you left Erica. From what Mark and Cristina told me, she’s been drinking every night and hardly been eating. Then a couple of days ago she hit Dr. Stevens pretty badly and I had to suspend her. Cristina told me that she has been locked up into her room ever since. Mark got in yesterday and brought her in here. She was severely dehydrated and lost so much weight. Her system was almost poisoned by all the alcohol she drank and all the smoking she did,” Richard quietly told her.


“Smoking? And drinking?” Erica was shocked. Callie really lost it and she did this to her.


“Can I see her?” she asked him.


“Yes, she’s in the psych ward. Bring the old Callie back Erica, you are the only one who can do it.”


She got up. “I’ll do my best Richard. I also want the old Callie back.”


She took the elevator to the psych ward. She was glad she didn’t run into anyone on her way. She got to the psych ward and rang the bell to gain entrance. A nurse answered the ringing and let her in.


“Erica Hahn to see Callie Torres,” Erica said to the nurse.


She could feel her heart stammering in her chest as the nurse showed her the way to Callie’s room.


“Good luck,” the nurse said to Erica while going back to the nurse station.


Erica took a deep breath and slowly pushed the door to Callie’s room open.  Her breath got caught in her throat when she saw Callie laying on the hospital bed. She had lost a lot of weight and looked pale and fragile.  Her eyes were open but it was like she wasn’t really seeing, she was just staring into nothingness. Erica got closer and recognized several of the IV’s Callie was getting administered.  She was in a pretty bad shape.  She felt tears whelming up inside her but she fought them down. She had to be strong now, she had to be strong for Callie, Callie needed her.


“Callie baby,” she softly called out, but she got no reaction. She tried again, but still nothing.


She went closer and gently took Callie’s hand in her own. Her hand was ice cold and clammy.


“Callie,” she tried again while gently squeezing Callie’s hand, “it’s me Erica.”


Slowly Callie’s head turned towards her. She was met with an empty stare in Callie’s eyes. Eyes that had once been full of life and joy were now dull and empty.


“Callie, it’s me Erica,” she said again.  Suddenly Callie blinked her eyes and the emptiness in her eyes changed to pain and hurt and confusion.


“Erica,” Callie managed to croak out, not believing her eyes.


“Yes baby, it’s me, I’m here, I’m really here,” Erica said in a teary filled voice.


“Erica,” Callie repeated and all of a sudden she lunged forward and hugged Erica with all the force she had left.  She started sobbing uncontrollably and kept on saying Erica’s name.


Erica couldn’t hold her tears any longer and cried with Callie while gently stroking her hair and whispering soft words to her. After a while Callie calmed down and looked at Erica.  Erica saw guilt and shame in Callie’s eyes.


“I’m sorry for leaving you Cal,” Erica said, “I was stupid and ignorant of your feelings. I’m so sorry. I promised you I’d take care of your heart and I treated it carelessly. I’m sorry.”


Callie softly caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry to for everything I did to you Erica.”


“What did you do to yourself Callie? What went wrong?” Erica asked, she had to know what Callie had been thinking when putting her body in danger like that.


“When you left me, everything became clear to me. I realized that I loved you and that I had lost you. Not only had I lost my lover, but I had lost my best friend and that just killed me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t eat or sleep and drinking seemed to be the only thing that made me forget about you for a few hours,” Callie said full of shame.


Erica put her finger under Callie’s chin and made her look at her. “I’m sorry Cal, I’m sorry for not answering your calls and for disappearing like that. I’m sorry I hurt you so much. But if you’ll allow me, I’d like to help you to get through this, as your best friend. And when you’re better again, then maybe we can pick up again where we left off.”


“I’d like that,” Callie smiled for the first time in weeks, “I’d like that a lot. How did you find out I was here?”


“Mark called me and told me. I took the first flight out and came here. I’m staying for as long as you need me Cal.”


“Mark took me here. He almost broke into my room. After I got suspended by Richard, I locked myself up in my room.”


Suddenly it dawned on Callie what she had done to Stevens. “Oh my god, I’m suspended because I hit Stevens, oh my god my career…”


“Callie relax, don’t worry about that. I’ll talk to Richard. He knows you weren’t being you and I’m sure that when you get better, you’ll get your job back if you want. Now go to sleep a bit, you look tired.”


“Will you… will you stay with me Erica?” Callie shyly asked.


Erica nodded and carefully lay next to Callie. She took her in her arms and for the first time since she had left, they both fell asleep instantly in the safety of each other’s arms.




With the help of Erica, Callie healed quickly, emotionally and physically.  After a week she got rid of all the IV’s and was allowed to leave the psych ward for one afternoon to go out with Erica. They had coffee in Callie’s favourite coffee shop around the corner and talked about what had happened. Callie told Erica that she always had been pretty destructive to herself when she was feeling depressed.  She told her it hadn’t happened with George because she had been there to help her through. Erica didn’t judge Callie when she told her all the things she had done. She simply asked for forgiveness and Callie forgave her.  After that talk they were back to being the friends they were before they had kissed.


Erica stayed with Callie everyday. The first two nights the night nurse had kicked her out, but after finding Callie curled up in her bed and crying she had understood that Erica was part of the healing process, so Erica could stay with her. 


Mark, Cristina, Miranda and Richard had all come to visit her and were very glad that she was healing.  Richard told Callie that her job was waiting for her when she felt ready for it. Callie beamed when he told her that.


Erica thanked Mark and Cristina to take care of Callie and apologized for the hurt she had caused.


Today, two weeks after she got admitted to the psych ward, Callie was being released. She still had to continue her therapy, but she could presume her normal life. 


Hand in hand Callie and Erica walked through the hospital.  They had almost lost each other, but they had found each other back again. They smiled lovingly at each other.  They passed the nurse station. Izzie Stevens was standing there, surrounded by the usual group of residents and interns.


“Look who we have here,” Stevens said pointing at Callie, “McCrazy.” She turned around and faced her colleagues. “You see I told you that being gay is a disease. It makes you crazy,” she laughed.


Erica felt Callie tense up and was ready to punch Stevens herself.


Instead of lunging forward to hit Stevens like she had done the last time, Callie found herself saying: “It’s better to be gay and be crazy in love then being… you…straight, alone and with no real friends.”


With her head held high and holding the hand of her girlfriend, Callie walked out of the hospital feeling stronger then ever.

Tags: callie/erica, fanfiction

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