Sapphic (sapphicwarrior) wrote,

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Alone (1/1)

TITLE: Alone (1/1)

AUTHOR: sapphicwarrior

PAIRING: Callie/Erica


DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

SUMMARY: Erica listens to a song and ponders her feelings for Callie. This is situated between the elevator kiss and the parking lot kiss. The first happened, the second won’t happen.

AUTHOR’S NOTE 1: This goes back in time a bit. But I was listening to the song “Alone” by Celine Dion and well, my muse decided to kick in and write this fic.

AUTHOR’S NOTE 2: This is unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine.

Erica wasn’t one to indulge into depressing thoughts and using music to further depress her. But today it had been too much, too much had happened. Her emotions had been jarred with one time too many. And a person could only take that much, right?

Ever since Callie Torres had come into her life, her emotions had been on a rollercoaster. She had always been proud about her ability to be able to hide her emotions away from others, but somehow with Callie that didn’t work. She felt drawn to Callie like a magnet and she found her telling her things she had never told anyone before. Before she knew it, she was just Erica with Callie and every trace of the armour she had build around her had crumbled.

She was laying on her bed, curtains closed. She was hugging her pillow and tears were streaming down her face.

She hit “play” to listen to the song again. Maybe if she cried herself out tonight, she wouldn’t have to cry anymore tomorrow or the day after or the day after…

Who was she kidding? Only two nights ago she had done the same, and here she was crying like a baby, again. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this lost. She had lost control over her emotions and as along as Callie was in her life, she knew she couldn’t get that control back. But somehow giving up Callie wasn’t an option she considered. Even if Callie would only ever be just a friend to her.

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone

She tried to remember when her feelings for Callie changed, when Callie was the first thing on her mind when she woke up and the last thing on her mind when she went to bed. She didn’t know. She found herself thinking about Callie during rounds, during surgery, hell, Callie was all she thought about lately.

And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though

She had never been one to make friends easily. She hadn’t lied to Callie when she told her she didn’t make friends easily. Probably because she had never had any friends and thus didn’t see the need to have them. But now she was wondering how she had survived all this time without any friends. After just two days without Callie she was already missing her company, their banter. She didn’t want to go back to her lonely life. Because she realized now that her life was very lonely. She had always lived for her work and before meeting Callie, that was enough. But work didn’t talk to her or make her feel happy when she was sad, or hugged her when she needed it. Or did crazy things with her like go to sunrise yoga after a night of dancing.

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

She felt more tears running down her face. She tried to stop them, but it seemed that all the tears she hadn’t cried all these years, were now coming out.

She touched her lips with her fingertips. When she closed her eyes, she could still feel Callie’s soft lips against hers. She didn’t know what had possessed her that evening to kiss Callie in the elevator in front of Mark Sloan of all people. Maybe she was still high form operating on Walter Tapley, or maybe she just lost her mind for a second.

She had been wanting to kiss Callie for a long time now. She had the most sensual lips and when she was in deep thought, she tended to touch her upper lip with her tongue. That drove Erica insane and many times she had been wanting to be that tongue.

And now she had kissed Callie and things were totally awkward between them. They hadn’t shared any “Sapphic salads” in the last two days. They had just simply ignored each other.

And now she might have lost the only friend she ever had. How could she have been so stupid or so naïve to think that Callie might feel the same?

You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown

Because their had been lingering touches and smiles and looks. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen Callie been so touchy with other people or smile with a twinkle in her eye at others. She was sure she had even caught Callie staring at her a couple of times.

But because of her stupidity that was all over now. Callie surely would never want to have anything to do with her again. She already freaked out about the comment Addison made about them being a couple, so let alone if another woman kissed her. Callie would go in major freak out mode and that would be the end of their friendship.

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

A knock on her door startled her out of her reverie. She glanced at the clock. It was after midnight. She knew of only one person to be foolish or brave enough to knock on her door that late. She got out of bed and put on her robe. On her way to the front door she passed a mirror and looked in it.

“God, I look like hell”, she said.

The knocking continued.

“I’m coming, just a minute”, she yelled.

She looked through the peek hole and saw that indeed it was Callie knocking on her door. She wondered how she would explain her looks, but then dismissed the thought as she didn’t care that she had been crying. She had been wanting to tell Callie anyway how she felt, now might be as good a time as any.

She opened the door.

“Hey”, she said in a raspy voice, “come in.”

“Erica you look like hell. What… Are you okay”, she heard Callie ask.

“I’ve been better.”

They seated themselves in the couch. Nothing was spoken between them.

“What are you doing here Callie?”

“Why did you kiss me Erica?”

Typical Callie, Erica thought, to immediately voice what was on her mind. Sometimes she wished she was more like Callie. It would make it easier to talk about what was in her heart. Because even though she was a heart surgeon, she had no idea how the emotional part of the heart functioned.

She looked up at Callie and saw a tiredness she hadn’t seen there before. Maybe the kiss had made Callie think, she wondered. Maybe Callie had liked the kiss? Maybe she wanted another one?

She heard her name being called.

“Erica, why did you kiss me?” Callie softly repeated her question.

Suddenly she noticed that Callie had gotten closer on the couch and was now sitting next to her, their thighs slightly touching. She felt herself getting warm and her stomach was doing all sorts of strange things. Maybe she should go and see someone about that, surely a stomach wasn’t supposed to do all this kind of weird things, right?

“I… I…”, she tried, but she didn’t get any further.

Why was her voice suddenly gone and why could she only see Callie’s lips and nothing else? And why was her heart hammering in her chest? She was fairly sure it wasn’t supposed to go this fast.

She felt Callie take her hands into hers. She realised that this was the chance she had wanted, the chance to tell Callie how she feels about her.

“Because I wanted to kiss you”, she heard herself say in a voice she barely recognized as her own.

Callie was smiling, Callie was smiling her special Erica smile at her. So that must be a good sign, she figured. She still had no idea what to do or what to say. It was not like she had any experience in this matter.

“Enough to kiss me again?” she heard Callie’s sweet voice.

She didn’t have time to ponder that thought as sweet lips descended upon hers. Callie’s lips were even softer then she remembered.

After a while she pulled away from Callie. Callie’s eyes were darker then usual and so many emotions were seen in them.

“I don’t know what this is, Erica, but I do know that I like kissing you and it makes me feel all funny and I want to kiss you all the time.”

“I don’t know what this is either, but we can figure it out together Callie.”

And this time Erica was the one that initiated the kiss, a kiss that would last into the morning, a kiss that would change their whole world, a kiss that would bond Dr. Erica Hahn and Dr. Callie Torres for life.

Tags: callie/erica, fanfiction
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